Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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