You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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