Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
