I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
