i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
