I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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