I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
