Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
