Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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