Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
