he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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