I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
