My first STD was from a foam party
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
