Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
