We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
