My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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