I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
