Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
