im drinking this country out of the recession.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
