I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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