Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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