Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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