bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
