Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
