The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
