I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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