1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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