Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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