I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
