Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
