well you can't waste a boner
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
