As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
