Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
