You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
