I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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