So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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