Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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