Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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