drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
