if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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