if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
