On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
