And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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