end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
