1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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