I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
