call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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