matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
