vagina is talking i cant
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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