What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
smell my finger.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
