thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
